Do You Find Yourself Keeping Score with Your Partner?
Is a relationship 50/50 on a daily basis? Do you find yourself keeping score to be sure you are getting your fair amount of attention, love, and caring? Often I talk with couples and I take my finger and put it in the air and make a slash mark. They ask me what I am doing and I tell them they are keeping score with one another. All of a sudden they understand and then we have something to talk about.
Of course, we all have needs and desires which we want met and taken seriously. But can anyone ever truly have a 50/50 relationship on a daily basis?
The way I like to think about it is that in my lifetime or on an annual basis, if we averaged it out, the two partners would each see that they had their share of what they needed.
In daily life, we cannot determine many events that happen to us. One of us may be ill and need more attention and care for a period of time. Later, the other partner may be going through a very difficult situation at work, (possibly fear of losing one’s job), and need more confirmation of who they are and receiving loving attention and caring.
What happens if we keep score? This may seem a bit ridiculous, but I have actually seen couples do this. They keep score and if they feel they have not had their fair share they become resentful and when they other one really needs them, they are not there for them.
For me, a relationship is about honoring who my partner is and uplifting him in any I can, be it spiritually, emotional, psychologically, or physically. Because of who he is I am so happy to be his wife and I want to do anything I can to help him in his times of need. Notice, I did not say rescuing, but assisting where he is truly unable, for the moment, to do all he can for himself.
If you are keeping score and waiting for your turn, you may wait for a long time. As your resentment and bitterness festers, the relationship gets pushed on the back burner. Talk to each other, help one another. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Try to truly give of yourself without expecting anything in return.
If both of you can turn this corner and have a happier and fulfilling relationship, there is nothing like it. And you need some help, consider counseling. It can really help.
SereneLdy
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